How parents can help children cope with divorce
There’s no doubt that separation and/or divorce is stressful for everyone involved. Fortunately, parents can play a major role in the adjustment to divorce or separation, and there are a number of things that you can do to help them through this transition period.
Co-operative co-parenting
Co-parenting is not a walk in the park – even if you’re on great terms with your former spouse. If you and your former partner have decided to co-parent and make decisions about your child’s future together, then it’s likely that you both want to prioritise the wellbeing of your child, so aim to keep this in front of mind.
Co-parenting involves both parents playing an active role in their kid’s lives and gives the child/ren the chance to maintain a healthy relationship with one another. It also involves providing consistent environments for the kid/s and respecting one another – even when you might find that difficult to do.
Being able to effectively co-parent your child can be extremely beneficial for them in the long run and can make the divorce transition significantly easier for them. Learn more about effective co-parenting here.
Maintain a healthy relationship with your child
A separation or divorce is an emotionally stressful time for both you and your child/ren, so it can be easy to overlook the actual relationship you have with your child and instead focus on what you need to do for your child.
You can help to develop and keep your relationship with your child healthy by providing them with a safe environment, and one where they know they can communicate with you and be honest with you. It’s also important to encourage them to talk and spend time to their other parent (if it is in the child’s best interest). One way you could do this is by scheduling a phone call with their parent while they are at your home.
Don’t keep them in the dark
It’s only natural for parents to want to protect their children from any hostility or conflict, and while the less exposure to this is certainly better for children, it can lead parents to completely leave their children in the dark about what is actually happening.
The Australian Institute of Family Studies conducted a survey in 2018, where children were asked a number of questions in relation to their experiences and needs when their parents separated. Some notable outcomes of the survey included that children wanted to be given more information about the divorce process and that they felt left out of the big decisions that were being made about their lives.
The children who answered the survey were between the ages of 10-17 and their parents had already separated.
While you may want to shield your child from the nitty gritty details, it may be a good idea to give them the opportunity to ask questions, so you can see how much they are wanting to know and be involved.
Do not put your kids in the middle
When we say don’t put your kids in the middle, we mean it in a couple of ways. Avoid exposing them to conflict or making them feel like they are in a position where they need to make a decision between the parents. It can be highly damaging to their relationship with both parents.
In addition to keeping them out of arguments and conflict, do not use them as a messenger or go-between with their other parent. If you need to communicate with the other parent, it’s best to do so yourself. This can place excessive pressure on your child.
Educate and take care of yourself
Divorce is complicated and so different for everyone, so take the time to educate yourself about what may be involved, the decisions you need to make, and the various ways you can be supported. You could do this by talking to a divorce lawyer who can give you an idea of what you need to think about.
It’s also important to make sure you take care of yourself. This includes eating well, ensuring you’re sleeping enough, but also seeking support when you need it. There are many different resources both online and in local communities where you can find information and solace. This can be a highly isolating time for you too.
Your wellbeing will also have a direct impact on the wellbeing of your child, so it’s important to take care of yourself.